Crossing Borders and Boundaries

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.

Ernest Hemingway

find comfort sunrise

It’s been quite a year.  It’s only April.  My furbabies are curled up on either side of me as I sip my coffee and write these words.

It’s been quite a week.  I am ready for a new one.  Blame it on the planets or the ocean waves or the storm that just blew through.

riptide

My daughter lives in Costa Rica.  The adventure she is living is enough to write a book all on its own.  She keeps this mama on her toes-She went to Panama by herself for the first time.  Nothing stops this girl

costa rica 1

I spent the entire week hunkered in from the storms brewing outside.  Just like the days gone past living in the mountains of California.  Sometimes even going days without electricity.

 

At times like these, the best place to play, is in the attic, pulling out relics from the boxes of memories that are stored there. Good memories.  The best memories.   Since I also have a penchant for good wine, this was the perfect opportunity.

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Sometimes people show up in our lives to show us how strong our boundaries are.  Mine were not set in place like they should be, and the Universe was screaming at me, telling me.

You give someone an inch, they take a mile. 

The storms outside were whipping and hollering…calling out to me….begging me to get caught up in the eye of the hurricane.

adventure

No.  I am safe in the attic, with my memories.  They fill my mind, my heart, my soul of the promises of the sun and warmth that comes when the storm finally passes.

I could faintly hear the scratching of the fingers of treacherous winds that were retching and seething outside my door.  But, my door was securely locked and bolted from such storms that cross this path.

The hours became days, the days became a week.  Finally, it gave way.

find comfort blankie

I survived the storm with the comfort of my fondest memories wrapping their arms around me like my favorite blanket.  The clouds have cleared. The sun is shining.

For today anyway…

Until the storm shows itself once again.

 

With Hugs and Hope

Diane

 

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Down the Rabbit Hole

A rebirth out of spiritual adversity causes us to become new creatures.

James E. Faust

spring blossom

A beautiful Spring morning.   I woke up feeling that familiar feeling  of fresh air that awakens all of your senses from a long winter’s nap.

I remembered who I am.  Why I am here, right now, in the here and now.

I decided it was the perfect day to spend in the Gardens.  It has certainly been a while.  Too long actually;   My path got distracted.

rainbow

I took my furbabies for their special walk, letting them breathe it in as well, strolled back to the apts for their scooby snack.  Threw on a hoodie and some jeans with flip flops.  Hair in an unwashed messy bun first woke up.  No teeth brushing or breakfast.  It was time to go out.

this way

Time to go see my trees and feel the dirt in between my toes.

Springtime, time to shake off the past and feel the warm comfort of the now and the future.

time

While on the Spur to one of my favorite destinations; the water gardens.  Second nature to home.  This man named Jeff, was in the Navy for 8 years, retired from Social Work and knew Spirit.  We talked the whole way to downtown.  He went on to the Botanic Gardens as I stayed in town for the water gardens.

tea party

As I walked, I kept seeing the number 17.  If that means anything to anyone, I do not know, I am not an expert in this realm…

Being Good Friday; kids are out, the usual spots filled with children and spring love.

Me under an old shady tree, with my shoes off

tree 2

 

Life takes you on journeys, you sometimes don’t quite understand until the journey has ended.

Down the rabbit hole.  My favorite place.  This is where I explore thoughts and meanings.

alice

Memories flood my head as I put together past thoughts, and watch the children on Easter Break, enjoy the flowers, the grass, the waters that flow fast or stand still.

 

Holding on to things that keep me anchored from moving forward.  It was time to let go….time to let go so I can push beyond the fears that kept anchored in a particular place and time.

memory

Time to plant new seeds.  Harvest new fruit and explore new adventures.

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Easter has many meanings in many cultures.  But deep down, no matter our upbringing or influence; it all interprets the same.   Hope, renewal and new life.

 

With Hugs and Hope

Diane

Finding Comfort

The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness.

Norman Cousins

 

It was a beautiful sunrise; she could feel the warmth creeping over her makeshift bed from the comforter with red and gray flower designs of a trend gone past.  Her backpack that was filled with her most prized necessities, made a perfect pillow.

find comfort sunrise

Wondering what day it was, got up-put her shoes on, rolled up her bedding and wandered to the nearest gas station, so she could rinse off the days gone past.; feeling the urgent, familiar gnaw in her belly.

homeless

 

She walked to the area of divergence as the bite of the morning chill overcame her.  She pulled her jacket around her with more intent to ward off the frosty morning.  She found her usual perch, saw the familiar faces of those that come looking for a fix, or the schizophrenic carrying on, or the walking man, that just walks, all day long.

woman 5

 

She waits patiently for night to come.  Maybe she will get lucky today, and enough passersby’s will give her enough change, so she can get 4 tacos from the nearby taco stand.  Those damn panhandlers that stand on street corners and gas stations- they ruin it for us folk that just want a bite to eat.

She doesn’t dare go to the mission or outreach-they just take without permission.

Finally, the sun is setting.  She walks over to the usual lamp post on the corner and waits for just the right one.

find comfort lamp

Here he comes, in the light blue Beamer, head to the usual motel, where this is common.  She devours her fish and chips and asks, as he stares at her in awe, “Are you gonna eat that?”  She finishes both plates, proceeds to the shower.  As the water runs over her malnourished body, she washes away the hunger, cold, sadness, even if only for a few moments.

find comfort bath

Hangs her freshly washed garments on the towel rack to dry; takes a long whiff of the clean bathrobe while memories briefly flood in.

find comfort blankie

She shakes it off, walking reluctantly and climbs into bed as the robe falls to the floor.

For a night, she will find comfort.

True Friends

 

I hung out with my bestie this weekend-you know the one, Sasy.

Her and her man had a lovely time at the nearby Casino.

We totally need to go- we would kick some BFF  Casino ass!

The same weekend, her daughter turned 21, so,  her gift  was the “gramma takes the kids so momma can get her party on’. present.

In between all of that, she picks me up and takes me to my job that is outside the bus range.  Now, she lives about 20 minutes away from me, and my job was another 20 minutes in the opposite direction.

best friends 3

After work, Sasy picks me up and we go to the cell phone store so she can do an upgrade.  Well, they have this awesome deal, if you add a line you can get a free phone and the second line is dirt cheap.

She immediately asks me if I need a phone, knowing full well my situation.  So, here we are, grandkids and me at the phone store.

I can’t accept the phone.

Is it pride?

Is it, obligation?

 

Or is it because, I don’t know how to accept gifts and I don’t know  what true friendship  love really means.

Yes, I have friends.  Not very many.  But the ones I have had, I have had for life.

best friends title 2

My childhood friend from grade school, since we were 7 and we lived on the same block.

She taught me how to dance to Barry Manilow.

My other  bestie that I’ve known since Junior High. We experienced life  together the only way 13 year olds know how.

Yes, and I have had friends here and there, and they come and go.

best friends 4

My 23 year old Elfin Girl, that dyes her hair purple and yet, she is an old soul….and I love her

I still have far away friends that I keep close to my heart.  And they are still part of my life.

But, those rare friends, that stick to you…..

And if you are fortunate enough, you know what I am talking about.

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Processed with VSCO with c6 preset

Okay, so, Sasy and I are kindred spirits.  WE KNOW EACH OTHER.  Like it was meant to be.

I was meant to have this great opportunity to know what true friendship love really means.

When we were at the store, she insisted on getting the phone for me, and matching phone covers too,  and I am like, ‘but we’ve only been dating for 2 months.” My sarcastic sense of humor…..

b friends

I have never been very good at accepting love, or gifts.

Whether it is a sisterhood, a best friend, or that of a  true lover.

But, today, I am learning.

 

 

I am so grateful for the love that is opening up for me in all shapes and forms.

With Hugs and Hope

Diane

 

 

The Apartments

 

I haven’t had to live like this since I was a child- a very humbling experience.

 

I still don’t have a key to the laundry facilities yet, so I am washing my clothes in the tub and drying them on the outside railing.  Everyone in the building knows what color towels I have now.

laundry

Still waiting for my Food Benefits, good thing I have some ol’ standbys in the cupboard.

 

Sadness and Hunger fill the air today at the Apartments, even the pooches can sense it.  I long to use my last $3.50 bus fare, at least there is hope on the bus.

new beginning

I am trying to keep my space positive, but the darkness keeps seeping in.

 

It is quiet for the most part here, just don’t take the furbabies out after 9 PM.

Across the courtyard is the 4 bedroom apartments, there are two families that live there.  One downstairs and one upstairs.  There is an empty apartment on the bottom floor, but I don’t dare go near it, it gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Still don’t have all of my stuff yet ; feels like I am staying in a seedy motel.  Without the rest of my few things I own, I can’t quite find home. …..

My son is working two jobs.  I can’t get enough events lined up.  Being in the hospital, knocked me off my horse.  Having a hard time getting back on.

 

My side of the courtyard are the one bedrooms.  Mostly rented by single men except for mine and another lady that I would assume works in a hospital, wearing scrubs as her attire.   I hear her children, but have never seen them.

As for the rest, the man that collects appliances from the dumpster, the handicapped man and his caretaker and the one that lives below me, works during the day.

My daughter can’t seem to find her way either, such a heavy burden for a mom to carry.

sad elf

We are adjusting.  The furbabies have literally been on a tight leash, but I do play ball and we yoga every day.  The kids love to get them barking at night.  I’m sure they think it’s fun.

walking dogs

 

Maybe tomorrow my food benefits will come and I can use my bus pass to go grocery shopping and find a conversation.   Until then, I will warm up some leftover soup.

Hugs and Hope

DTC

 

Move in Day

Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.

e. e. cummings

 

Here I am sitting on some mattresses on the floor, a cardboard box end table and two sleepy pooches.  It has been a journey getting here, but here I am.

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A few days ago, I decided to get sick again and spent 8 hours at the ER, just to tell me my electrolytes and iron was still low and they gave me some nausea meds for the tummy.  Slept for 3 hours and went to work.  Only because they are remodeling my store and I am not scheduled for the next 2 weekends.

strong woman

When I finally got home, I slept for 12 hours straight.  The next day…..

I just knew if I got a good night’s rest I would be back to my old stubborn self and would be able to move my stuff to the apartment all by myself, just like no biggie-   Wrong answer.

I drove my son to work so I could use the car, checked out the apartment and proceeded to unload the car to make room for my stuff.  Now, the apartment is on the second floor, so here I am carrying one 15 lb. bowling ball up the stairs like it’s a sack of 100 pound potatoes.  I knew right then, this was a bad idea.  I barely got the car unloaded and cleaned up; I was done for the day.

pretty 2

I decided to utilize my time and wait to pick up my son, to go shopping at the Goodwill.  Yay!  I found some super finds on pots and pans that fit right in with my décor plan for our humble abode.  Since, I was given so much stuff that belonged to my mother, that were post-depression era, which suits the 1960’s apartment building just fine.

By the time I finished my shopping and picked up my son from the bowling alley, I was pretty much spent.  My brain short-circuited hours ago, and I don’t really remember much after that.  Between my brother and my son, about a third of my stuff got transported to the new place.  I did remember to grab the poochies.

move in day

I struggled laying  the mattresses on the floor and some bedding.  As I was getting ready for bed, this is when I noticed I had no charger or toothbrush.  I found my curling iron and the dogs grooming sheers, so I can curl my hair and shave the dogs’ hineys…..but at this point I really didn’t care.  I made it!

Among random boxes, I did find a clock radio with an IPod dock, so I can at least trickle charge my 4s.

c r soup

I did get to make my first home cooked meal in my apartment; Chicken and rice soup.  And as soon as I find my bath bomb, I am breaking in the bathtub.

Until next time,

Hugs and Hope

Sasy’s Tips-Fab Finds