We are standing watch.
My dogs and I…
I’m not sure what time it is because it is always dark.
I can’t tell you when it exactly happened-it just did. Time turned left instead of right. The gods and the angels are crying….
People started turning against each other for what, I don’t know.
Fighting for TV’s, electronics, cars….
Don’t they know those things mean nothing?
Here we are, we have free will and we choose this. We choose to blame, accuse, and fight
For things that mean nothing
So, we are standing watch, the few that remain sane in an insane world.
For the darkness to clear,
For the rain to come,
For the sun to come out again
We wait for the angels to show a sign
That the light will return
The fighting will stop
The blame will stop
And keep our faith that the heavens and the earth will be balanced once again.
With hugs and hope
I hung out with my bestie this weekend-you know the one, Sasy.
Her and her man had a lovely time at the nearby Casino.
We totally need to go- we would kick some BFF Casino ass!
The same weekend, her daughter turned 21, so, her gift was the “gramma takes the kids so momma can get her party on’. present.
In between all of that, she picks me up and takes me to my job that is outside the bus range. Now, she lives about 20 minutes away from me, and my job was another 20 minutes in the opposite direction.
After work, Sasy picks me up and we go to the cell phone store so she can do an upgrade. Well, they have this awesome deal, if you add a line you can get a free phone and the second line is dirt cheap.
She immediately asks me if I need a phone, knowing full well my situation. So, here we are, grandkids and me at the phone store.
I can’t accept the phone.
Is it pride?
Is it, obligation?
Or is it because, I don’t know how to accept gifts and I don’t know what true friendship love really means.
Yes, I have friends. Not very many. But the ones I have had, I have had for life.
My childhood friend from grade school, since we were 7 and we lived on the same block.
She taught me how to dance to Barry Manilow.
My other bestie that I’ve known since Junior High. We experienced life together the only way 13 year olds know how.
Yes, and I have had friends here and there, and they come and go.
My 23 year old Elfin Girl, that dyes her hair purple and yet, she is an old soul….and I love her
I still have far away friends that I keep close to my heart. And they are still part of my life.
But, those rare friends, that stick to you…..
And if you are fortunate enough, you know what I am talking about.
Okay, so, Sasy and I are kindred spirits. WE KNOW EACH OTHER. Like it was meant to be.
I was meant to have this great opportunity to know what true friendship love really means.
When we were at the store, she insisted on getting the phone for me, and matching phone covers too, and I am like, ‘but we’ve only been dating for 2 months.” My sarcastic sense of humor…..
I have never been very good at accepting love, or gifts.
Whether it is a sisterhood, a best friend, or that of a true lover.
But, today, I am learning.
I am so grateful for the love that is opening up for me in all shapes and forms.
With Hugs and Hope
I was feeling off when I got up this morning. I woke up at 5 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. It was still dark outside, so I did an early morning meditation in hopes to re-ground myself.
When it was light enough out, I took the furry ones for their walk and continued to make coffee and get dressed so I could make my bus by 8:20.
It was threatening rain, so I grabbed my rain jacket, my lunch( I made extra for those that I would be sharing with), my tea and my bag with all of my other goodies that I carry with me.
The bus driver got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and decided to take it out on my knee. As I was looking for a place to sit, she punched the gas pedal and I fell into the metal frame around the seat. Ouch….
At my transfer, I asked the next bus driver if she could tell me when we would be at the number 4 transfer so I could make it to my doctor’s appointment; she gave me a blank stare. I sighed…climbed on the bus and hoped maybe I would see it.
When I realized I had gone too far, I felt that uneasy feeling climb up my insides. Yep, I was going to miss my appointment.
I got off the bus, and asked a gentleman for a smoke and that is when the tears fell from my eyes. I sat there for a minute, regrouped, called to let the medical office know I wouldn’t be there, she was very nice and rescheduled for me. Since this was my last bus pass until I get paid, I would have to wait until next week.
I decided to go ahead and get my lab work taken care of at the clinic I was at and continue on to see my new friend at the Goodwill to see about job offers.
She wanted me to go back that afternoon to talk to another lady about an office position, so I agreed and then decided to go to my favorite water gardens to eat my lunch(literally) and maybe some fresh air would do me some good.
I took some more pictures and found a nice serene spot that was cool and peaceful. I closed my eyes and let the wind wash away my irksome morning.
When I was finished eating, I headed back to the bus station and sitting on the ledge was a lovely young lady playing the violin. The sounds of the bow caressing the treble strings flowed through my soul and I had to sit and listen as the calm washed over me.
I dug through my wallet only to find enough change that equaled maybe 50 cents. I put them in her case with the rest of the change. She stopped playing, stood up, faced me and belted the most beautiful song A Capella. The tears streamed down my face as her expression filled my very being.
When she was finished, she gave me a hug and said “Everything is going to be alright, you are a strong woman”
I smiled and asked for her name. Elizabeth Joy.
I wish I knew the song…….
I went back to the bus depot and as I was waiting, there was a car parked across the street with the words ‘Hope’ on the side of it.
I went back to Goodwill with a smile on my face and a knowing-
Everything IS going to be alright.
And I did share my lunch with the young lady that is going to classes to get her G.E.D.
With Hugs and Hope
To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
I was waiting for my bus Sunday morning to go my little job. I am finally getting more weekends-yay!
There was a gentleman talking with another and in the distance I could hear the beautiful chimes of a nearby Church; just loud enough to drown out the sounds of the cars and voices that were happening around me. I closed my eyes for a brief moment to let the countenance of the nearby Sanctuary wash over me.
When I opened my eyes, my attention drew nearer to the man standing by the bus stop bench preaching to the other sir. I agreed with what he was saying; because, after all, it is what we have conviction for is what defines our Faith.
We climb onto the Spur and venture on our way to our destinations. The bus was getting pretty full, so I shared my seat with a young man in his 30’s dressed in a very nice suit, wearing a handsome tie, with the poignant tie tack so strategically and properly placed.
We travel through the area of divergence, and I notice a fellow fixing himself up on the curbside, just so he can get through another day.
My mind wanders off deep in thought of things I no longer remember, and this dear old man, my guess in his late 80’s dressed in a suit- I would assume he was of Scotch-Irish decent by the fading red hair. He wore his Crucifix, St. Christopher pendant and another that I couldn’t quite recognize with his Rosary Beads firmly gripped in his fingertips. He carefully placed a newspaper down on the seat and chanted the Mantra of the Catholic.
My mind focused on this gentleman, completely out of place and I wondered why he had no family to take him to the dated Cathedral downtown.
As I arrived at my place of employment, I smiled within myself. Even with all the dissemblance happening in the world, we still have a chance of coming together under the Grace of Divine Spirit.
With Hugs and Hope
Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.
Lauren Bacall was born Betty Joan Perske on September 16, 1924 to a working-class family in New York City. Her father, William, was an alcoholic who left the family when Bacall was six; Bacall and her mother later changed their last name to her grandmother’s maiden name, Bacal, and added the second “l.”
Enthralled by the theater from an early age, Bacall started working in high school as an usher, and then performed in plays both on and off Broadway. However, it was her work as a model, and in particular her appearance on a Harper’s Bazaar cover in 1943, that caught the eye of Nancy Hawks, wife of Howard Hawks, a powerful Hollywood director. At Nancy’s encouragement, Hawks gave Bacall a screen test. Hawks then brought her to Hollywood, taught her to speak in a lower register and convinced her to take the first name Lauren to deemphasize her Jewish heritage. For that reason, Bacall had never been entirely comfortable with the name the world knows her by.
I remember as a small one, my mother, was very devoted to the Holocaust and the cataclysmic treatment of the Jewish Peoples. Watching movies such as ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’ and both of us gazing through tear stained eyes as we both were disheartened by the tribulation….
My mother also played the accordion. It had the most beautiful inlays of Mother of Pearl and keys. I remember climbing into the case while she played various polkas, klezmers and such.
Between 1945 and 1951, the United States and Great Britain ruled occupation zones in Germany, Austria, Italy, and Czechoslovakia, which housed more than a million displaced persons (DPs), including 250,000 Jews, in late 1945. The United Nations Relief and Rehabilitation Administration and various private relief agencies assisted the Western Allied powers in meeting this enormous challenge. Until September 1945, Jewish and non-Jewish DPs lived together in the same camps, which sometimes required Jewish Holocaust survivors to reside with former perpetrators or with other non-Jews. Jewish DPs, many of whom felt unsafe, protested these living conditions, as well as harsh treatment by US military personnel and searches for contraband conducted by German police.
It has taken me several days to write this piece. I almost didn’t do it.
This time in history is very close to my heart. As long as my mother was alive, we learned of this horrible act of humanity.
There is a message here somewhere……..
Lauren Bacall had to change her name to ‘fit in’ to society.
With Hugs and Hope
Lauren Bacall -biography.com
A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all it teaches entire trust.
I was trying to budget bus fare and schedule 2 appointments in one day. I packed a lunch and filled my PowerAde bottle with my raspberry tea. I left my apartment with plenty of time to make both.
At one of the stops, this mom with her 2 year old and baby in a stroller hopped on and the 2 year old was giving mom fits. She set the car seat down without strapping in the baby and gave the wriggly boy a Dr. Pepper in hopes of distracting him.
Knowing how bumpy the bus ride can be, all I could see was this baby seat flying across the bus. I offered my assistance to hold the infant carrier in place as she struggled to keep little Mason seated. I offered up my crackers and he obliged. At one point, I am holding the baby seat from tipping and Mason in my lap. I remembered a time, when my son was about that age and didn’t react very well to sugar or red food dye, so I offered up my knowledge of cutting out these things for this sweet boy.
I managed to miss my transfer stop and ended up downtown. There was certainly not enough time to back track to make my first appointment and have ample time to make it to my second. So, I sat at the Subway near the station and bought a $1.40 bag of Baked Lays- BBQ, because those are my favorite. I found an empty table, ate my PBJ sandwich and chips and sipped on my tea. I noticed the local Molly Trolley drive by, so when I was finished eating, I hopped on the free bus with no destination in mind and rode around downtown until she mentioned the Water Gardens.
I climbed off the Trolley and walked across the street and ventured into the majestic water displays.
Everywhere there was a pool of water, there were locals bathing and cooling off in the aquatic alcoves. It is summer time in Texas. It’s hot….
There was one gentleman looking pretty hungry so I offered him the rest of my tea.
I strolled around and breathed in this lovely sanctuary and after a bit, I regretted giving away my drink.
After I was finished, I walked back to the transfer station so I could catch the bus to my next destination.
I made it to my doctor’s appointment early and they took care of me right away. I now have more appointments and have reduced bus fare.
Slowly but surely, I am getting back on my feet. I can use these tools to help me get there.
I guess next time I venture out, I should pack 2 lunches- one for me and one for the less fortunate that I will be sharing with.
With Hugs and Hope
Out of difficulties grow miracles.
Jean de la Bruyere
I was taking my pups for their outside adventure for the last time for the evening, as I was opening my door, the pooches started barking frantically. I look up and there is a white dove on my balcony and he didn’t seem to mind whatsoever that there were 2 tiny dogs yelling at him.
When we were done with our trip, I didn’t expect him to still be on my stairway. The dove nestled himself on my neighbors cooler unit and stayed there through the night. In the morning, I had noticed my neighbor giving him some water.
I could see the twinkle in my neighbor’s eyes as he knew this was a message from the Divine. He shared with me he had lost his mother and brother as well. Even their ages were the same. I also met my neighbor down the hall. She is a nurse and has lived in this building for 5 years.
My son came to visit, and was also touched by our visitor. He took beautiful pictures of our special friend.
The Dove stayed for 3 days.
In that time, he would let us get close, but not touch. He would look into your eyes all the way to your soul. There are no words to describe the warm comforting wisdom coming from this lovely creature.
The evening of the 3rd day, he was gone.
My neighbor was saddened by the Dove’s departure. He tells me “I guess I missed my sign.” I responded by telling him that maybe it will take a couple of days to present itself. Or maybe, the sign was simply the gift of having a White Dove come visit us.
Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
I got the opportunity to get some more of my stuff. It’s pretty cool, I open up all the boxes and it’s like a celebration all over again!
Among my boxes, was my step-dad’s flag in a broken box and stained with cigarette smoke from a relationship gone.
I met Ray when I was about 11 or 12. He not only accepted my mom and me into his home, but also his heart. He loved us like I’ve never felt love from another being. To him, I WAS his daughter.
Somehow managing to get into the Army before his 16th birthday spent his entire working life in the Military. Ray was a Surveyor for the Army Corps of Engineers until he was medically forced to retire because of Emphysema. He left this world in December of 1992.
The last time I saw him, my daughter was only 3 months old. We took a trip to Marysville so my daughter could meet her grandfather for the first time……..
Pulling out this flag was like unleashing all the memories as they were yesterday; supporting me through my summer softball years in Junior High all the way to my College graduation and beyond. Through the worst years of a teens life; this man gave me his encouragement and love only that of a true Dad.
I remember going to fine restaurants for dinner with he and my mom, and me ordering ravioli, no sauce with ketchup and saltine crackers. I really knew how to live it up! He never said a word; he would even order me a Shirley Temple so I could have a cocktail with my dinner too.
When I was about 20, a mom to my son and being too young to be married and starting a family; Ray would let me mow his yard and clean his house so I could earn some grocery money. I didn’t have to earn it; he would’ve just given it to me. But, I would insist, I had too much love and respect otherwise.
My graduation from Lassen College, my step dad drove over 3 hours to be with me and family as I received my Diploma. He treated all of us to dinner and gifted me with a pearl necklace and matching earrings. I still have one of the earrings, I will cherish forever.
I completely opened the flag and carefully hand washed it in my tub. Washing away the bad memories and making sure it doesn’t touch the floor and hanging it gingerly to dry.
My son spent 4 years in the Navy. I think it would be an honor if we both fold it back together and place it in its new home.
With Hugs and Hope