(The Death of) Olivia Greene

Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.

Sai Baba

When I was living with my oldest brother’s family and still healing from my last narcissist; I wanted to keep creating my social media presence.  I was still blogging regularly, and I knew there was something that I was supposed to create.  I knew I needed a brand, or a name, just didn’t know what it was yet, but, I also knew all the puzzle pieces would come, when it was the right time. 

I remember growing up and the stories my mom would tell and she always wanted to write a book about her life, and she wanted to call it the Colorado 3-holer.  This inspired me to write about my own life and my experiences.  I started writing stories for my first book in 2014 and decided to write under a  pen name and decided in 2017, the name of Olivia Greene.

I knew I needed to tell her story, it just wasn’t mine yet. 

Olivia was this feisty redheaded Irish girl that was also an Empath.  I created her so I could feel her experiences and write about them as if she were a fictional character and how she overcame all the obstacles that were thrown her way.  She was the one that went through the Awakening, the tears she cried and the bliss she felt.  Sometimes I wonder if this experience was just a delusional time in my life or it really did happen.  I have about 10 journals that are on just about that experience.  Sometimes, they are so far out there, I can’t read them. 

 Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental health condition. Someone with DID has multiple, distinct personalities. The various identities control a person’s behavior at different times. The condition can cause memory loss, delusions or depression. DID is usually caused by past trauma.

When Olivia was younger, she needed to party all the time.  Real life was too hard to bear and so she chose to live in that altered state.  The party girl was Jennifer.  When I would wake up after a Jennifer party, I usually didn’t remember what happened the night before.  Sometimes, I woke up naked and would have to make sure my purse and car were still there.  Sometimes, folks from the bar I had just met would pop over and gather pecans from my native tree in my front yard.  Apparently, Jennifer said it was okay.  She was an extrovert, and I, an introvert. 

She had a lot of fun in that 5 year span; until she met her catalyst narc.  He made sure Jennifer was completely squashed like a bug. 

So; Olivia was the writer and blogger.  She was the beauty with the librarian’s glasses that looked at all those experiences from a distance.  Because, they weren’t her experiences; she could write about them. 

When we were all living in the apartment at Lancaster Heights, Olivia was able to experience life with a completely different set of eyes.  She rode the bus and was never afraid.  Usually, folks would gather around her and talk.  Sometimes the conversations would get so deep, she would miss her stop.   I remember one time; she was trying to get to Hulen from Lancaster, which would be a 2 hour bus trip with several transfers.  The bus driver stopped the east bound bus so I could run across the street to catch it to get back to where I was supposed to be.  The old man she was talking to, had journals just like hers.  She got to a point, the bus drivers knew her, and would make sure she got where she needed to be. 

G-d created this world so we could love and enjoy life.  But, because of duality-the dark shadows; ego and greed, created the pain and suffering.  Yin and Yang, light and dark

We all have both inside of us.  Accept those dark places inside, face them and accept its reality. 

Deep down, I knew I didn’t want to publish under Olivia’s persona.  I knew that I would have to acknowledge who Olivia was and realize that I have the potential to be her, and publish under my name. 

I guess sometimes, the universe forces you to learn. 

I did publish my book in 2022 under my name- that first scary step. 

I had almost forgotten about Olivia, until I ran across some writings and posts that are still out there in cyberland.  She still even has a facebook page.

I am glad I found the part of me that Olivia represents, she is the smart one, the one taking all of the classes, and because of her, I am working on my certifications-

 And makes sure Jennifer cleans up her mess before she goes to bed. 

With Hugs and Hope

Diane

22 days of Gratitude

No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.

Heraclitus

In my stage of healing, one of the things that really works for me is focusing on gratitude.  Being thankful for what I have today.  I remember where I was a year ago, or even 5 years ago.  Sometimes I do get so frustrated, because I am still fighting the powers that be right now, and nothing is moving fast enough for me that I can see.  I am still waiting for my medical stuff to settle. 

I am blessed.

 Truly I am; with the rising prices of everything and the growing number of the un housed and with rising cost of rent.  I do have my little paid for tiny home in my corner on top of the ridge.  I see beautiful Sierra Nevada foothills sunsets every night.  Not sure about the sun rises, but, they are just on the other side of the hill I live on; I just don’t get up early enough to view those, but, in my mind, they are just as majestic. 

I have my furbabies and they are healthy and fed.  I bought a decent pair of clippers and all the tools to groom them myself.  I think next time; Olive is going to get a gizmo stripe going across her head.  They have their flea and tick meds and I make their food from ground turkey and add vitamins to it. 

Most important, I have my family.  My children and my one and only favorite granddaughter; as soon as we met, we fell in love, like we already knew each other.  She tells me this all the time, I think she is a sensitive soul like her gramma.  Her birthday is the day after my momma’s that might have something to do with it. 

I can finally see my mirror, and we can love each other without the outside noise blocking it.  

I can see the big picture of things clearing out of my way so I can see the true path, but, some days it is hard to see and I get swallowed up by the boredom of the mundane of the day to day tasks.  I do need to add more art in my routine.  I am thinking about doing another paint by number canvas; that should keep me occupied, just hope the kitty doesn’t want to halp.

  I do wake up sometimes feeling sad and defeated, but, I acknowledge those feelings, then I let them go.  This happened to me on Sunday.  I try to go to a trail every Sunday just to get out of the park and drive for 20 minutes or so, to a local trailhead.  Even if I can only walk to the first picnic table and just sit there and breathe in the view.  It’s different, I can hug trees there if I want to, and take my shoes off and earth for a little while.   It is quiet, and I can connect to G-d.  I can feel the feels without my pooches responding.  They are so in tune with me, it’s almost intrusive.

 But, I didn’t feel like going anywhere.  I laid on the living room day bed and napped and read all day.  It was nice, being relaxed enough, that I could actually do that. 

I am also figuring out where the balance is.  Not too much spiritual, and not too much materialistic.   It’s in the middle where the heart chakra is.  And for each person it is different. 

I thank Spirit every day, especially the not so good days; for where I am in my adventure. 

I could still be in one of my many narcissistic relationships where I am being torn down and not in control of my being.  The first one that comes to mind is the old friend that wouldn’t even let me walk off the trail around the RV Park we lived at. The one time we went fishing, he sprayed me with mosquito repellent, even after I told him many times; I don’t use chemicals on my skin, and  I had to sit in a chair, quietly, like the good wife, while he fished.   With no vehicle and 10 miles either way to the nearest town, I had to stay inside, like the good wife and sew curtains.  Let’s just say I demanded the gods to get me back home.

I thank G-d I am not there anymore. 

My life is being protected, I can see that now. 

When those days hit, when the voice is a little louder that day; rest.  Acknowledge where the emotions are coming from, check in with your little girl that lives inside you.  Give her a big hug, tell that voice it’s time to shut up now, its okay.   Then get up and take 1 small step in the direction you’re working on and keep going.  When you think you can’t do anything at all, take one small baby step.  And then rest some more. 

With Hugs and Hope

Diane  

Courage

My dear friend, clear your mind of cant.

Samuel Johnson

It took me 7 years to finally get it.  To finally heal enough to realize the potential I actually have to create the life I want to live. 

I spent countless days repeating the same message over and over again, until I finally jumped off that Ferris wheel.   I kept picking the same type of relationship thinking this time it was going to be different.  But, it wasn’t.  Just a different version of the same type of abuse; controlling, manipulating, sometimes physical, sexual, trivializing, smearing, gas lighting, you name it.  I have been there, done that. Don’t need a T-shirt.   I don’t think I intentionally kept picking the same thing, I really think I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anything better.  It must’ve been true. After all, they all kept telling me these things, over and over and over again.

I was stuck in that cycle of Limerence; the whole “Twin Flame” journey, that kept me in that all consuming passion frame of mind; hoping to find my Knight, to save me from my childhood abuse and trauma.  But, he never came. 

About two years ago, the Universe finally had to stop me in my tracks.  I got injured on the job, and was stuck in my situation, with absolutely no movement whatsoever.  She was gonna make sure that I learned this time; and I wasn’t going ANYWHERE until I did. 

I completely broke down.  Cut all my hair off and screamed and cursed all over social media.  Lost a lot of people I thought were my friends.  Almost complete isolation. I even got to a point, I was going to let the propane gas leak take me in my sleep; but, I couldn’t do that to my furbabies.  I got up and turned the gas off for them. 

  That was when I finally decided it was time to do something positive and look deep down into my shadow inner self.  I met with a therapist and started taking online courses, to put another puzzle piece into the plan that I always dreamed of accomplishing.  So, now, I am working on getting my Master Certification in Transformational Life Coaching.  Have 3 classes down, 4 more to go.    I finally mustered enough courage to publish my first book, Memoirs of an Empath, even though it is small and might not make much sense, and lots of format errors; but, I did it.  I put it out there. 

After, you finally leave the narcissist abuser once and for all; you have to begin the healing.  There is a lot of information out there that talks about awareness of abuse, but, once you realize you’re in that situation, how do you get out?  And where do you go?  Most likely, once you realize what is happening, you don’t have any outside connections or resources to get the f@$k outta there anymore.  I lost everything I had because of him.  He made damn sure of it.  

Not only did I have to gather the courage to leave without him knowing where I was going, but, I also had to gather resources and find a place to go.  By, this time, I had figured out he had been tracking my every move, so I had to be careful. I bought one of those pay per minute phones you buy from the dollar store and I would call my son from various parking lots away from my vehicle, so there would be no trace.  Since he was a sociopath with no scruples or remorse and as I learned how far they can go; the fear rose through my veins like venom from a poisonous snake that would consume me.  I knew I had to leave and the urgency became very apparent.  He had already found new supply; it was only a matter of time, before I was to be kicked to the curb. 

I started reading and learning everything I could about narcissists and the different levels they become; covert and overt, cerebral and somatic; even the victim narcissist and the levels of sociopathy.  The techniques they use to dominate their prey.  Love bombing, idealization, devaluation, discarding, and hoovering.  Tearing down, little by little, almost unnoticeable until the damage is done.  I remember when I realized, he never loved me, it was just a tactic to manipulate me; my heart got crushed.  Stabbed by a double edged sword; the betrayal he did to me, and the betrayal of my own emotions that believed him.

 How could I be so stupid? 

Taking that first step to leave, took a lot of courage.  But, that was only the beginning.  There was all the building back up what had been torn down. 

So, here I am finally, 7 years later, I am able to be who I want to be, without the fear and those voices telling me what a failure I am. 

It is still one step at a time and one day at a time.  But, the stairs I am climbing now are better ones, the ones taking me to my peace, my happiness and my joy.

With Hugs and Hope,

Diane

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Growing Pains

Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.

Mary Tyler Moore

I am still off work waiting for the medical system to get off its ass and do something, so in the meantime, I am trying to make ends meet.  I ran out of money months ago, so, here I am floating on my raft in the middle of the ocean, making the fumes last as long as possible. 

I am not what society considers young anymore, hell; not even middle aged.  And according to these shows on Netflix, I am old.  Over the hill even.  55 is the new 80, so where’s my fucking walker?  

Am I even still viable in the workforce if and when I do get back on my feet again?

I have been doing some positive affirmation exercises every day to keep my mind positive, Abraham Hicks and her 22 days of positive affirmations. 

So, I googled websites that offer contract jobs, renting my car out, even jobs like lyft or anything at this point that is still legal, so I can pay my bills. 

 In my attempt to find simple work, I set up an account with Upwork, one of  those sites that offer contract jobs. Something I can do at home.   Did my first job and got paid 10 bucks.  Woohoo! I thought to myself, maybe I can do this. 

So, today, I bid on a contract for a proofreading gig.  I got a response, so, I followed the reps request and he instructed me to do an interview via skype. Being only my second day doing this,   I spoke to the rep and then he sent me an online interview link and within 30 minutes or so, I was hired.  Wow, me, I actually got a good paying gig.  It was for a magazine and they would pay me $20 dollars an hour.  This was perfect!  Even if I could only work a few hours a day, it would be enough to stay afloat and I could pick up some more contracts to make enough to survive. 

I waited as instructed, so they could connect me with a local vendor so they could send me the equipment I needed to the job, kinda like when I worked for that tax company.  So, far, no red flags came up, in my mind anyway.   Even the Hire proposal looked legit.  The HR person did ask me for my banking info, so they could set up direct deposit.  Because I don’t really have a bank at this time, I told her for now; it would have to be checks.  She had me keep the skype open so, when she contacted the vendor, we could exchange info. 

I was on top of the world!  I got a gig! And for a famous magazine!  Maybe all my positive affirmations were finally working!  Maybe things were finally rolling my way!

Then, a few hours had passed.

  Nothing.

 My monkey brain started thinking, why is this taking so long?  I went back in to upwork, and the bid was gone.  So was the email that was sent.  Huh?   So, I dug a little deeper, the name of the HR lady, surely she has a linkdIn account, there must be something linking her to InStyle magazine.

  Nothing.

   Huh? 

I started googling scams.

  Sure enough.

  I went back through all the info that I sent, and lucky for me, nothing that could be stolen. Not that I have anything to steal.   Wow.  I got scammed. 

The funny thing was, I wasn’t upset.  I was just someone with hopes of landing a contract and these folks were good.  Luckily they were caught and their proposal got taken down.

 A few weeks ago even, I would’ve taken this personally, that the universe wasn’t going to let me get ahead that this was a personal attack on me, because, I was not worth having good things happen to me. 

But, that wasn’t where my monkey mind went.   I saw it as a learning lesson and I grew from it.  Now I know what to watch out for. 

While I was on cloud nine, thinking I was hired at InStyle Magazine making 20 bucks an hour, proofreading blogs, I changed my profile to a writer, an author and blogger; I also included the anthologies that I contributed to that are published.  I also included my classes and how I specialize in narcissistic abuse and recovery. 

I wouldn’t have had the nerve to do that until I had this great job. 

That is my dream. 

And even though I got scammed; for a few hours, I was a freelance content writer and a Transformational Life Coach that specializes in narc recovery. 

And that, my friends,  made for an awesome day.  

With Hugs and Hope Diane

Christmas Hope

Christmas isn’t a season. It’s a feeling.

Edna Ferber

This time of year just seemed to sneak up on me.  I am still waiting for my operation, so, I can get on with my life.  Sitting in this trailer without constant socializing, forces me to sit with myself, which definitively causes one to go within. 

It’s been almost a year and a half.  My symptoms are getting worse and no one seems to care. Well, almost no one.  I am on the urgent list, but, it doesn’t seem to help.   Some days, I lose hope, and put myself on auto pilot.  I have to get up out of bed, get dressed, brush my teeth, and straighten up the RV.  Go check the mail, visit the local store for some social interaction.  It helps, for a little while. 

I ran out of money months ago……

This past full moon was tough.  Found out my mentor passed a few weeks ago.  She was the one I found her website and books, which caused the light bulb to come on and I all of a sudden realized what kind of relationship I was in; the abuse, my drinking to cope.

 It was then, when I started planning to leave. 

6 years later, I am still sorting out my shit.  Seeing a therapist really helps a lot.  It’s also nice to have someone to talk to that is actually listening. 

Finally get to meet my only granddaughter; she is almost a teen by now.  I have been dreaming for this day for a long time.   Now, that the day is almost here, I started getting overwhelmed and depressed.  I haven’t showered in days. 

Why is it about Christmas that brings up the ruminating?  Childhood memories come crawling in, reminding me of a time, coming home from Church on Christmas Eve, and the tree is laying out in the front yard.  I could hear the yelling as soon as I got off the bus.  Sheepishly walking in and seeing the ornaments strewn from the kitchen to the living room, broken light bulbs everywhere.   When they finally went to their separate corners, I asked my mother if Santa was still going to come if we had no tree.  Or when  someone broke into the trunk of my mom’s car, while she was at work, and stole all the presents.  I don’t remember a lot of Christmases, but, I do recall a lot of Christmases in July. 

I had to run away, even if it were for only 12 hours.  I shut off my phone and went to the casino.  I needed to pretend I was someone else for a while. 

I had to remind myself, everything is going to be fine.  We always land somewhere safe.

  Always. 

I’ve been taking online coaching classes, to keep me busy and be prepared for the next chapter of my life.  If all goes well, I can have my surgery, move closer to my granddaughter and do what fills my cup.

I listen to Abraham Hicks and read and meditate, trying to keep that vibration high, so I can be in acceptance of all the great and wonderful things that I am learning that I do deserve and earned.

I am ready to meet my peer group, my soul tribe.  I am ready to help those folks that have been in my shoes, so they can get through it faster and farther than I have.  I am ready for my children to be taken care of. 

I’m ready…..

With Hugs and Hope

Diane

Broken Laptop

my laptop’s keyboard is acting up, so no new posts for the time being

Diane

Abandonment

1.   Cease to support or look after (someone); desert.

2.   Give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking).

Loneliness is my least favorite thing about life. The thing that I’m most worried about is just being alone without anybody to care for or someone who will care for me.

Anne Hathaway

I think about my father from time to time.  William creeps into my memories every once in a while, especially when I am feeling at my lowest.  Remembering how he disowned his own children. 

You know those times, when you are forced to get out of bed because your two pooches need to go outside.  Even mama jumped off the bed this time, I guess she was making me get up.  I think she knows. 

Every day becomes the same.  I let the dogs out, make a cup of coffee and try to decide if I am going to watch TV all day or try to look like everything is okay- even though it isn’t.  This time I couldn’t bring myself together.  I made an appointment with Joy; everything just made me weep.  It was doomsday again.  She told me to cry it out.  Then as our session was coming to a close, she said “This is when we need to have the most faith that everything is going to work out. “And she told me to just focus on making it through the day. 

The power was going to be off the next day, so, I knew I had to prepare.  And, my home was a mess.  I had to make sure the pooches were gonna be cool enough without A/C.  So, I planned a pool party in my backyard under the gazebo in the kiddie pool; the dogs and me.  I was also going to teach those girls that pools of water are safe; some snacks and peach sweet tea for me. 

There was enough gas in the generator to at least keep the fridge running.  I did a load of laundry and cleaned my tiny home. 

You see, I was lashing out at everyone and everything; the walls were closing in again.  

I lost a lot of ‘friends’ the last few months or so.  Not caring if they had their own shit or not.  It was all about me this time.

When I still lived in my house on Lilly St.  I could bring a friend to my house, (if he was too tipsy to drive,) let him crash on the couch and took him back to the bar the next morning.  I never had anyone be rude or inappropriate to me or even have to worry about it.

But, not anymore; I lost hope for humanity.  Especially the species of men.

I really let myself go, hairy legs and all.  I didn’t care anymore; my future was too far away for me to reach.  I was slipping through the cracks of nothingness, I was completely disappearing again. 

I woke up in the morning at our usual time; noticed Motie, the tuxedo cat, still curled up, sleeping by a pillow on the bed.    I picked up my phone to check the time and I noticed I still had Wi-Fi.  We got up; I still had lights on the microwave, I wondered why we still had power. 

The air seemed a little lighter today.  I was doing social media like every morning, and an old group I used to have popped up. “Dealing with PTSD. “ I had forgotten all about that page I made in 2016, when I was still with one of many abusers I have encountered.  Needless to say, it didn’t last very long. But, it did remind me of the symptoms of trauma. 

I realized at that moment, I was experiencing an episode.  When your mind gets full of baddies, it gets really hard to pull yourself back.   Awareness is the first step to pull out of a PTSD event.

  For those that don’t know, A PTSD episode is characterized by feelings of fear and panic, along with flashbacks and sudden, vivid memories of an intense, traumatic event in your past.  The dealings with Jim certainly triggered an episode.   It took me a while to get through that one. 

Once I realized what was happening, I could then begin the steps to bring myself back to this moment…today.   I reminded myself that things happen for me, not to me.   Did my mantras and meditations and pulled myself out. 

Every day is work.  I have to wake up and thank G-d and remind myself the Universe is not against me.  I spend the day in the now and appreciate what I do have.  I must have faith the Stars are making way for my plans to a better life and for my peace and that place we can call home. 

With Hugs and Hope

Diane

The Mirror and the Butterfly (part 2)

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.

Golda Meir

I lashed out again.  Said some things on Social Media that I wish I could pull back. 

She’s mad at me again.  But, it becomes so easy for her now.  She never really forgave me for leaving.  It is my entire fault you know; why things are the way they are. 

My anger finally completely took over.  I was lashing out at everyone and everything; system overload.

 It was like a volcano, that couldn’t hold the pressure any longer.  All of the emotions that were kept wrapped tightly under the breast bone….

Finally erupted

I lost quite a few friends lately.  Or were they? 

The Universe sure is testing me right now. 

Or is it the creepy crawler baddies trying to keep me down at the bottom of the abyss, where they survive?  They love knocking people down.  The baddies want you to go to the breaking point.  Suicide baddies; they want to attach to you, so they can escape the hell they are in. 

I am seeking a guru, a guiding light. I meet with her twice a week, Joy, and she is helping me a lot.  She lets me ramble on, when I get too far down the rabbit hole, she reels me back in.  She gives me homework. 

I now have positive quotes and butterflies surrounding my bed, techniques to release the stress from the vagus nerve, gentle exercise to help release the heavy energies.

My favorite positive quote, “Things are happening for me, not to me”

I thought I was on a good run of positivity; and BAM!!! A shoe fell. 

He was too buzzed to ride his motorcycle home, so I offered a safe couch.  An old biker friend from the past I, guess.  I always let folks that had too much crash at my place.  They always had a safe couch to sleep on.  I never had a problem. 

I guess we can’t do this anymore- help a brother or a sister out when they are at their low.

We were chatting at my place, and he kept slamming them down- Miller Lite.  His saddle bags were full of empties.  Sure, I was tipsy as well, but, I slowed down when I saw sparks of acrimony spewing from him.  I got pretty good at diffusing until he tried to leave on his bike. 

I’m okay, some bruised ribs and scratches from the bushes and gravel.  It’s more emotional. 

Once the beer wore off and I started slowly remembering what transpired that night with an old friend named Jim.  Like I said, I was just giving him a safe couch to sleep on. 

The whole mess started when he said something very demeaning to women.  He mentioned something about being a Trump supporter; I told him I was neither. 

All because I don’t support anyone in office right now….

All because he found my cigarettes under my car seat….

All because, if I don’t agree with you and tell you no….

All because I am not this or that…..or do or don’t……

I suppose all of this warrants abuse? 

Gee, if my only option is to be someone’s property….screw that…..I ain’t no Cherry 2000

I got inspired to write again.  Maybe I will re read my first book.  I know the encryption is hard to read, maybe I will fix it.  Or maybe I will leave it just the way it is, to remind me…..

Of how far I have come…..

With Hugs and Hope

Diane

The Last few Days

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

Henry David Thoreau

I was giving up. 

I stayed drunk for 2 weeks….it got to the point where I wasn’t even getting drunk anymore.  I couldn’t quite reach oblivion.  I lost hope again

My eyes just wept, constantly.  I would toss and turn in bed at night with no comfort of sleep, and during the day, I would just stare at the TV, only going outside to let the pooches do their thing.  I had called last week to see if I got approved for my operation yet.  After an hour and a half and 5 different departments; the referral nurse realized they lost my referral.  She went back in to her little box that is supposed to make work easier, come to realize Stanford didn’t accept my insurance and that we would have to try San Francisco.  “How long should I wait, if I don’t hear back from you?”  “A week” she said. 

Screaming and cussing on social media again, because, that always makes me feel better; spoken with great sarcasm.  Actually, it makes me feel worse. 

To keep myself busy, I have been working on my second book.  This means I am reading my old journals, bringing me back to those times of abuse and despair; all the different situations I have managed to get myself into- holding on to the pain and trauma that has kept me there for so long.

My childhood, my marriages, and old abusive relationships~ none of these things are in my life anymore. 

Last night, when I went to bed, with tears in my eyes, I prayed to G-d.  I just wanted to feel better.  I was just lying there, tossing and turning couldn’t get comfortable; couldn’t feel peace. 

Then, out of nowhere, it wasn’t like a great vision of the future or anything like that-I just felt calm, peace, like it was gonna be alright.  The doors ARE opening and I needed to let the things go that were holding me clinging on to the past. 

My kids are grown, paving the way to their own lives.  They don’t need ‘drunk mom’ hanging around.  It’s me now.  I am responsible for what happens to me; not my kids or anyone else.  Me.  I don’t live to please the courts, I live to please me. 

No one is here to abuse me anymore, but, me.  It is time for me to just stop it!  I am not wrong for my choices and my way of life or the way I believe.  This is what works for me- my relationship with my God. 

Right before I drifted off to sleep, around midnight, I got an email

My first royalty payment from my first book

Maybe if I can get out of my own way-dreams can come true

With Hugs and Hope

Diane